1. Aerial Showdown: ChryoTech refuses to back down from its claims that only they can fly without worry for of incurring elemental wrath. Rodney & Flecks continues to claim that the CT guys are full of hot air, and that anyone with the means can now fly. Last week we reported that R&F was going to be putting on Aerial Ballet to launch their full reopening of the airways. Well, things have now escalated, with CT now joining in the airshow. Cid Lufaine stated “Our planes will be painted red, in order to match the R&F ones after they catch fire.” Regardless of who comes out on top, this is going to be an event you don’t want to miss.
2. Poor Mixer: David Wong, of child teleportation infamy, has been relocated to solitary confinement. It would seem the inmates at Folsom Prison don’t take too kindly to pervy perps responsible for sending an untold number of youngsters off to truly harrowing lives. The Warden, Ronnie Cash, hopes that this maneuver will help Mr. Wong live to see his court date in four months. Mr. Wong is accused of being an accessory to 7 counts of kidnapping and the illegal construction of a teleportation device which resulted in 312 patent violations.
3. Leaving No Survivors: The Federal States of Telpin’s reigning champions, the Gor’Rahm Reavers, have ended this years crushball season with a flawless record of 37-0-0. Such a feat has not been seen in the history of the sport, which originated 238 years ago when a drunken rugby team met an equally inebriated soccer team on a basketball court. The visceral nature of the sport has only helped to enhance its fame, and enormous crowds turn out to support their favorite teams. Also, in keeping with tradition, all players must be drunk prior to the starting of each match. Liver failure and head trauma are the leading reasons why few players of the sport reach “retirement age”.
4. Snow Place Like Home: The Ice Elemental seems to have chosen this years path to the North (please see map on page E4). All occupants of the Jurai Isles are urged to temporarily vacate their homes until the danger has passed. It also wouldn’t be a bad idea to empty your pipes and turn off your water lines. At its current rate of speed, the Ice Elemental should reach its new winter home in roughly 7 weeks. The citizens of Los Wegas are also urged to make preparations should the behemoth decide to make landfall in your region. We’ll keep you posted of any new developments.